The problem with Jews

Jews bring 3 problems to the table:

1. Jews killed Jesus. (Jews actually didn't do this. It was done by the Romans, but why should we quibble about "details". More importantly, how can mortals kill a God without the God's participation and consent? Even Darth Vader could not kill Obi-Wan without his consent, and Obi-Wan was mortal, just filled with "the force". And Obi-Wan's goal was to both serve as a motivation to Luke Skywalker to become his best and, in the long run, to reunite father and son. So, following the analogy, this modern tale would suggest that Jesus let himself be killed so that non-Jews would better themselves as Christians and, in the future, Jews and Christians could be united in love and peace. Nice story.)
2. Christianity has superceded Judaism. (Christianity is sort of like Judaism 2.0, so why would you want to run version 1.0 in your belief system? Sort of like, why would you want to keep windows XP on your computer when you now have Vista? Jews see Christianity crash every now and then, sort of like the windows blue screen of death. Roman Catholicism, less well known as Judaism 2.0.1, crashed with the crusades and the Spanish Inquisition. Protestantism, less well known as Judaism 2.0.5, crashed with pogroms and the Holocaust. Of course, the argument could be made that, now with Mormonism, why would you want to keep running Judaism 2.0 when we now have Judaism 3.0? And we also have another new religion, Abrahamism 2.0, better known as Islam. Jews are just waiting for all the bugs to be worked out and new service packs to be available before making any switch. I think many Christians look at Mormonism in the same way. You know, we should all just try to get along, like the mac guy and the windows guy in the commercials.)
3. Jews have a different set of rules. Jews, for example, can lend money. Money lending is a key component of capitalism; without it, we would have slower growth and limited opportunity for new start-ups. No pharma companies to make vaccines, antibiotics, or cancer-killing drugs. No big chain stores to buy stuff at a discount. No coffee chains...no lattes!! You get the picture! Life without Jews would be like living on an Amish farm, but without the hospital nearby to bring modern medical miracles to your door.

So, Jews are still part of some grand master plan of world-wide reconciliation and unity. You Christians and Muslims keep working on your moral software and, when you get it perfected, let us know. We are in no hurry, but really wish you would focus more on getting your code correct rather than focusing on us or on each other. In the meantime, we will continue to help move the world ahead.